The Power of Holding Space

As a mom of two college students, a full-time employee, an educator, and more, I wear many hats daily and encounter diverse experiences that remind me of one simple truth: true healing comes from within. This quote by Maryam Hasnaa —"A healer does not heal you. A healer is someone who holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer, so that you may heal yourself"— resonates so deeply with me because of the pure essence of how we can support one another through our own personal journeys. Because of this, I’ve added the title of healer to my list of personal descriptors.

A healer’s role is often misunderstood. It’s easy to think that healing is something external that someone else does for us. Whether it’s a doctor, therapist, or even a friend, we often seek answers from others to fix what feels broken. But true healing isn’t about being "fixed" by someone else; it’s about finding the strength and wisdom that already resides within you.

Throughout my life, I often found myself as a fixer, gravitating towards people or situations that needed change. Offering that change through either advice or action gave me a sense of accomplishment and pride. It took a long time to understand that I could provide even more help to others by simply holding space for them in a way that brought forth connection and healing.

Have you ever had someone hold space for you? Someone who actively listened to what you were saying and what occurred in the silence? Someone who asked powerful questions with the sole purpose of helping you process your thoughts and feelings? For many people, the answer is “no”. Having someone hold space for you in busy lives is not typical – but it can be.

When we hold space for someone, we offer them room to breathe, reflect, and listen to themselves. It’s a form of support that many people don’t realize they need until they experience it. In holding space, we don’t try to fix, solve, or advise; we simply allow the person to unfold their story, often uncovering their own truths and wisdom.

This is where the idea of the inner healer comes in. We all have an innate ability to heal ourselves, emotionally and mentally. The healer’s role is simply to create an environment where that can happen. Holding space is not passive; it’s an active and intentional practice of being present. And to many people, that level of presence can feel revolutionary.

True healing goes far beyond physical ailments. In my practice of holding space, I’ve encountered people seeking to recover from emotional wounds, grief, burnout, and stress. While I can offer guidance, tools, and support, the most important thing I can do is hold space for them. I sit with them in their pain, offer compassion, and remind them of their inner strength to navigate their struggles. This process of awakening the inner healer is completely transformative, one a friend of mine coined “a massage for your soul”.

And it’s not just for those experiencing mental illness. Did you know that 1 in 5 adults in the United States experience mental illness each year? (NAMI.org) My question is – what about the other 4? Even without having a mental illness, every single human being experiences the ups and downs of life. This “normal” stress can come from all areas, ebbing and flowing as situations arise. Maybe you have trouble making ends meet, you don’t have a great work/life balance, or you have a sick family member you are responsible for – it really can come from anywhere. For this group of people, whom I refer to as the “four,” do they not deserve support as well?

The “four” may not experience a diagnosed mental health condition, but that doesn’t mean their emotional and mental well-being isn’t impacted by everyday life. In fact, I would argue that everyone could benefit from having someone hold space for them. We are conditioned to push through stress, to keep going, and to stay busy. But when do we stop? When do we pause to process everything that life throws our way?

So, how do we begin to awaken the inner healer within ourselves and others? Here are a few practices that have been powerful in my journey:

1. Create Stillness: Healing starts with stillness. Take time each day to quiet your mind and listen to your thoughts, feelings, and body. Meditation, deep breathing, or sitting silently can help you tune into your needs.

2. Embrace Vulnerability: Healing requires vulnerability, both with ourselves and with others. Allow yourself to acknowledge your pain, fears, and challenges without judgment. This is where true growth begins.

3. Find Your Support System: Healing doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Surround yourself with people who can hold space for you and remind you of the strength you have within.

4. Trust Your Inner Wisdom: Remember, you have everything you need to heal within you. Trust your intuition and listen to your body.

5. Practice Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Healing takes time, and it’s not always linear. Compassion for yourself and others will guide you through the process.

We all face challenges, whether we are part of the “one” or the “four.” The healing journey is deeply personal, but the beauty of it is that we don’t have to do it alone. By holding space for one another, we provide room for self-reflection, growth, and awakening. The inner healer is there, waiting to be discovered. All it needs is a little space.