The Beauty of Being Known

I went to the beach by myself today. It was a little cooler and windy, and we’re having king tides - something I’ve already learned quite a bit about since moving to Florida. King tides occur when the gravitational pulls of the Sun and the Moon combine and expresses itself with big waves. The ocean was big and messy and loud. And somehow, in the middle of all that, I found calmness and peace.

When you tell someone you live by the beach, I think their mind goes straight to a sunny vacation day. The kind of day with blue water, warm sand, a beach chair, and maybe a drink in your hand. And to be fair, there are plenty of days here that look just like that. You'e probably seen some of my posts :)

Those are the moments that make you reach for your phone because you want to hold onto what you’re seeing, or share a little of that feeling with someone else. I still have moments when I look at the water and can’t quite believe I get to live here. So I understand why those pictures become the way someone imagines my life by the beach.

But today was a different experience. The sky was full of clouds, the wind was howling, and the large waves were crashing so hard they created a foam at the edge of the water. I found myself watching the water move and thinking about how much of the ocean you miss if you only know it from the pretty pictures and the typical vacation days. Living near it means getting to see more of it and to learn about it. You begin to understand that the sunny, peaceful version is only part of what’s there and it's not even the best part.

I think we do the same thing with people.

Thanks to social media, we get to see the vacations, the family photo, the celebration, the smiling faces. We get a small glimpse of someone’s life, and without even realizing it, our imagination begins filling in the rest. We assume we have a pretty good idea of how things are going for someone else. But there’s so much outside the picture that we haven’t seen. So much more to uncover.

Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sharing the happy parts of our lives. I love seeing the people I care about with their children, going on adventures, sharing their accomplishments, and all of the things that made them smile. Those moments are real, too. They just don’t tell us everything.

When I think about the people I feel closest to in my life, some of the parts I love most are the messy ones. The loud ones. The raw ones. The conversations when someone stops trying to find the right words and says what’s actually on their heart. There’s a particular kind of closeness that comes from someone trusting you with those parts of themselves. You get to know them more fully, and often you recognize a little of yourself in what they share. Something you thought you were alone in suddenly becomes something you can talk about together. It can be magical.

I’m so grateful for the people who have let me know them in this way, and for the people who have made room for those parts of me, too. There’s comfort in knowing you can show up with a complicated life and unfinished thoughts and still feel welcome.

Just this week, I had a conversation with a close friend of mine that came back to me as I watched the ocean waves. She thanked me for seeing her and loving her through all the phases of her life. For believing in her. That meant so much to me, because I love the person I’ve gotten to know through all of the moments in life that weren't picture perfect. She never needed to have everything figured out to be worthy of that love - and I'm lucky to have been there to experience it all.

And isn’t that what we all want? To feel seen and loved through the changes and the parts of our lives we don’t quite know how to explain yet. To be able to show up as we are and find no judgment, just love and a little peace. Her words stayed with me, and today the ocean gave me another way to understand them.

That’s what I kept coming back to at the beach today. I felt connected to this ocean that looked so different from the one I expected to see. But while I was there, I wasn’t wishing for a sunnier day or waiting for it to settle down. I was glad to be there, experiencing it and appreciating it exactly as it was in the moment.

I’m still getting to know this new place and this chapter of my life. Today, that meant learning a little more about the tides, spending some time by myself, and finding peace beside a very loud ocean.

It also made me want to stay curious about the people in my life, and to remember to leave room for the parts I haven’t seen and listen when they’re ready to share them. Some of the best conversations, and the deepest connections, begin there. I challenge you to do the same.

“To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”

— Fred Rogers.